The Anniversary Fiasco

I meant to give my lady a surprise. It was hers the moment I saw that twinkle in her eyes at that backwater factory with the Indonesian gems. But how to get it in the house? We had bought an armoire like it years ago and it had been such a nonsensical nightmare trying to get it in the house that we had entirely disassembled it and then brought it in piecemeal. This one I measured though, and it seemed it would just make it. I could bring it in while she was out. She’d be so pleased, thinking I hadn’t even remembered that today was 9 years in to this matrimonial grand adventure. But there were a few elements I hadn’t fully accounted for such as that fact that it weights 8 friggin’ tons and that while it was just skinny enough to get through the door frames (doors removed and one set of doorstop hacked off) it was longer than the hallway itself so how could it actually get into the heart of the house. Saws were brought out. She came home in that stuck-in-the-hallway moment and the surprise was definitely a potent one….. Finally, after several holes in the walls and some abstract gouging of the floor the piece came to live perfectly in its place, completing the bedroom as we’d always known it needed that extra something. And with the bottom finial lopped off it looks even more Indiana Jones, like some massive temple block, hewn from stone in our home, an entranceway to jungle magics. It had taken so long to get the bastard in though that my surprise plans for a movie date were blown. What the hell, childcare was called off and we all went out to our favorite taco stand for some total family romance. As soon as we got home, the CHICKSĀ usurpedĀ the gift in their own special way and the notion of being neigh a decade into our wedded bliss was complete.

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